Defender of Our Nation

One day we arrived too early for a meeting. Bored waiting for the rest to arrive, we flipped through some old magazines laying around in the meeting room, hoping to find something interesting.

One article in the old Economist got us talking: To be more effective in the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the American army has created a huge training ground for battle simulations. It's a 200,000 acres of land in the state of Louisiana, with a dozen mock villages and plans for a $50 million mock city.
Since it is a battle simulation, there will be 'enemies'. 160 American soldiers dressed accordingly: As al-Qaeda terrorists based in the forest, or as Taliban insurgents, living in 18 mock villages. Another 800 role-players live with them, acting as western aid workers, journalists, peacekeepers, doctors, etc, all with fake names, histories and characters. Quite elaborate, really.

And read this: Two Hollywood companies have been hired to improve the army's flashes and bangs, and to give acting classes to the role-players[1].

How about that. Looks like Hollywood has reached full circle: Before, Hollywood companies would hire military consultants to help them create a more realistic war scenes on movies. Now, the military hires them to create a more realistic war simulation.

Now here's the kick: What if (and this is a biiiig if) Indonesian military would hire Indonesian TV Drama (or sinetron, in Indonesian) companies to help them with war simulations? How do you think it will turn out?

Below is what we came up with. Feel free to add if you think we miss some. (This is of course only for fun, so do not take it seriously please).

• There will be a lot of screaming, crying, and cat fighting
  
  
• The 'good guys' will mostly be half-caucasian-metrosexuals, dressed in designers-clothes, and drive expensive cars. The 'enemies' will be badly-groomed men in leather jackets and jeans, drive an old jeep, and laugh incessantly among themselves for no apparent reason. Or, alternatively, the enemy can be a psycothic woman with evil laugh and strange eyebrows, who always talks to herself whenever she comes up with evil plans.
  
  
• The General will set the strategy and make all the decisions, although it will not be quick. Confronted with problems, the General would slowly gaze through the window, staring at the horizon. He would take a long, deep breath and talk about his childhood, his love life and his dreams, before he could make one single decision.
  
  
• Shots will be fired, of course. After all, this is a war simulation. But not too many. Maybe up to three shots in one war simulation is sufficient. The remaining time will be filled with really really tight close-ups, lengthy, unnecessary conversations, and pointless arguments ("you stole my boyfriend !", "NO, he is never your boyfriend!", "Well, he was, before you stole him from me, MOM!")
  
  
• When shots are fired, there will be delays between the actual shooting and the sound of the bang. Sound travels slower in Indonesian TV dramas. So does bullet. There will be a long delay between when the shot was fired, and when it hit the enemy.
  
  
• The enemy who got shot, would then fall to the ground, but did not die right away. He would lie there on the ground, with his hand on his bleeding chest. Although he was shot from the back, his back was fine. In TV dramas, no matter where you are shot, the wound will end up on your chest.
  
  
• It would take another half an hour of talking about love, life and forgiveness before the enemy finally died.
  
  
• In a one-hour war simulation there will be 55 minute-time for developing complicated plots and attack strategies. However, no matter how complicated the enemy's battle strategy is, all will be solved and all enemies will be killed or captured in the last 5 minutes of the simulation.
  
  
• At the end of the simulation, the good guys will walk hand in hand (yes, even when they are all men) to the sunset, the currently-popular hit song will be played, and brands of clothings, furnitures, cars, cellphones and any other merchandise used during the war simulation will be announced.
  

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[1] The Economist, December 17th-23rd 2005, Page 25, American MIlitary Tactics: How to do better.